WHAT SHOULD I DO? HE/SHE IS AN ALCOHOLIC! PART 1

AN ALCOHOLIC

Alcohol: demonized by some, idolized by others.

Alcoholics have been deceived by the promises of alcohol and have become trapped inside the bottle. When an alcoholic is married, the whole family is also trapped in a web against their choice. Since the Bible does not include alcoholism as an acceptable reason for divorce, what should the spouse of an alcoholic do?

Someone married to an active alcoholic understands this proverb well:

“Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new drinks. Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end, it bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper” (Proverbs 23:29–32, NLT).

One problem is that spouses of alcoholics may have adopted some dysfunctional patterns of their own, contributing to the alcoholic’s ongoing addiction. In a sense, spouses are also codependent on the alcohol because it has become the third member of their union. Before a husband can help an addicted wife, he must get healthy himself, and the same is true for the wife of an addicted husband. The spouse may need to seek professional help to see the areas where he or she is enabling the alcoholism.

One trait that may hinder an alcoholic’s desire to break free is a spouse’s tolerance. Tolerating a deadly habit in one’s spouse is not exercising love. Real love seeks the best interest of another (1 Corinthians 13:4–8). It is not in a person’s best interest to be controlled by alcohol. Tolerance looks the other way when the spouse comes home drunk. Tolerance gets angry over repeated lies but does nothing about them. Tolerance may fight and scream over missing money, unexplained absences, or car wrecks but does not take action to remedy the situation. Tolerance of alcoholic behavior has the same effect as overt approval.

Sometimes sober spouses keep the alcoholic in bondage by minimizing consequences. Some people believe that minimizing the consequences of someone else’s sin is showing love. Bailing a spouse out of jail, calling a boss and lying about why the alcoholic is late, or covering up the drunken binges to save face are all ways a spouse might seek to minimize the consequences the alcoholic behavior has earned.

But God uses consequences to teach us. When we take consequences away from someone who has earned them, we may be removing a tool God wants to use to teach them an important lesson. It is hard to watch someone we love to suffer negative consequences, but it may be the most loving thing we can do.

To be continued...

MICHAEL OPPONG-AMPONSAH